Victoria wearing wings made out of an old sheet, Summer 2000 (age 2)

I am alone tonight. 

I was alone last night, too. 

This is the first time I’ve been absolutely alone (without at least one of the kids) for this long in over thirteen years of parenthood!

Daryl and the kids are volunteering at a wonderful event called History Fest out of town.  We volunteer there as a family every year, but this year I am too pregnant to go along and take part.

They are staying at Grandma and Grandpa’s house and I was going to go with them and stay there, too, but I haven’t been feeling very good and I have so many things I wanted to get done around the house before Monday (when our baby comes!).

So at the last minute, we decided I’d stay home on my own.

I have friends nearby who can come if needed, and Daryl and the kids are not too far away.  And I never, ever, ever go into labor early. 

I’ve actually enjoyed my new-found time alone!  I’ve accomplished a ton of things around the house, got lots of extra sleep and have relished the quiet in this house this is so used to being so noisy!

Just the same, it will be nice to have my family back tomorrow.  I suppose I’m good at chaos.  🙂

This time on my own reminded me of a poem I wrote years ago when I only had two little girls.  I think about the lines of this poem often, because after all these years it still sums up how I feel about my family.

I plan on updating it soon, to reflect the changes we’ve gone through since I first wrote it.  Just the same, the meaning remains.

I thought some of you might like it….


    I know women
    who would lose their children
    like throwing off a robe,
    unbraiding a red ribbon
    and discarding it, to let
    their wild selves fly free.

    I know women
    who put aside their children
    like cheap jewelry by the side of the bed.
    I know women
    who never seem to wear them at all.

My girls, I do not want
to be free of you.
You are like my wedding rings
which I could have easily slipped out of
but wear
every day that my heart beats.

I want you near me.
My girls, my husband,
when I see a sunset
I want these two eyes
to be part of the eight who see it.
I want our laughter and stories
to be so tangled
that our memories weave into one dream.

This is my time with you.

Soon enough, you will be off
swimming your own new seas.
Soon enough, we will step back and watch you
blooming and bursting in solitary ways
in your own fresh, separate skins.

How could I waste this?

Oh my darlings, you are not my cage.
You are my wings.

~Alicia Bayer




Filed under This and that

10 responses to “Flight

  1. wow! what a beautiful poem. i feel the same. i love the line about your memories weaving into one dream. that is what i want for my family too. thank you for sharing and best of luck to you on monday!

  2. Amber

    I love your poem. Brought me to tears. It’s nice to know there are mom’s in this world who truly love being a mom. Your children are blessed, as you know you are too. Love your blog. Thank you for sharing! Wishing you a magical birth!

  3. What a beautiful poem. Thank you for sharing!

    (BTW, I’m linking to this post from my blog. I want everyone to read this!)

  4. Gorgeous!
    Enjoy your quiet time for it will be gone soon (thankfully!).

  5. What a beautiful and welcome reminder of the importance of enjoying the moment!
    You say your baby is coming on Monday. I’m curious, is this certain knowledge, hopefulness or just that your babies are always punctual?
    Oh, wait, today is Monday! I won’t expect you to reply any time soon then. Sending you good wishes!

  6. This is such a wonderful poem! I’ve already shared it with many and it articulates exactly how I feel about this mothering journey. Thanks so much for sharing!

  7. This poem touched me to the core. I am in my own “fog as a (slighly new mommy) of 2 children 16 months apart and am trying to hard to be centered and squeeze every drop out of this precious time without being consumed with fatigue and worry. thank you for your beautiful writing.

  8. jj

    Thanks for the wonderful poem! I feel like you put it there for me 🙂 I have two small girls and just today was having that “caged in” feeling…doesn’t happen very often, but from time to time I feel a bit overwhelmed by the majestic responsibility of mothering my toddlers. Your poem truly reflects my feelings about my family and I am so grateful that I came across it right when I needed it.

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